How to talk about quantum computing

Here is some advice from our CEO on how to talk about quantum computing, and why now is the right time for you to join the conversation.

Basics of quantum communication

While quantum computing is a dauntingly complex subject, you can actually explain it to almost anyone, as long as you follow these three simple principles:

1. Don’t be afraid to say things that don’t make any sense to you. After all, your audience has no clue whatsoever about quantum computing either.
2. You can confidently say that quantum computers will solve [insert any problem you want]. Indeed, we already know that they will solve climate change, make everything better, and even model your brain.
3. Your claims need not be backed by science. While quantum computers are bound by the laws of quantum mechanics, you are not. In fact, you don’t even know what those laws are!

Insights from psychology

It’s easy to talk about quantum computing – all you need is charisma. Just say “entanglement” and everyone already believes you!
— CEO of Dulwich Quantum

Here are some simple insights from psychology that you can employ to give convincing talks about quantum computing.

• The word “quantum” acts on most individuals as a powerful thought-stopper – it briefly inhibits their brain and makes them nod at the end of your sentence, no matter how you finish it. Since the word “entanglement” is even more potent, take extra care when using it together with “quantum”! The mere utterance of “quantum entanglement” can impair the listener’s brain to such an extent that they won’t even blink an eye while you keep on bullshitting for the next half hour.
• If you are new to quantum computing and don’t understand anything, start by repeating what others say. As you become more experienced, they will start to repeat after you. Remember, truth emerges through repetition.
• Don’t challenge others. This will ruin the feel-good vibe of any quantum event and will ensure that you won’t be invited back.

Once you have mastered these basic tricks, here is a more advanced two-step technique:

1. Remind people that quantum computing has a hype problem so they should be skeptical of everything they hear and always use their common sense (as if that was enough when dealing with quantum physics).
2. They trust you now, and their common sense tells them that you wouldn’t dare to follow this up by a torrent of total nonsense. Use this extra edge to do precisely that!

Understanding quantum

Many people are obsessed with trying to understand quantum mechanics. Don’t be like them – don’t overthink it!

When it comes to quantum computing, understanding is overrated. It’s OK to just believe.
— CEO of Dulwich Quantum

The field of quantum computing was founded by Richard Feynman who famously admitted that neither he nor anyone else understands quantum mechanics. We should respect his legacy and stop insisting that people who talk about quantum computing actually understand what they’re talking about. Who knows, one day they might also get a Nobel Prize in physics!

Btw, if you enjoy reading this blog, you should definitely check out Richard Feynman’s essay “Cargo Cult Science”.

Quantum voqabulary

A good communicator knows how to use words. Here’s how to enrich your quantum vernaqular:

• Make any word quantum by inserting “q” (this works even for “classic”).
• You can put “quantum” in front of literally anything (even quantum itself) and people will still take you seriously.
• The key quantum buzzwords are “entanglement”, “superposition”, and “exponential”. If you can put them all in one sentence (and in the right order) you’re a bona fide quantum expert.
• When the basic buzzwords fall short of impressing your audience, deploy “parallel universes” and “wormholes”.
• When “exponential” is not strong enough, reach for “infinitely more powerful”.
• If “quantum computing” doesn’t sound strong enough, use “quantum machine learning”.

Certain words acquire special meaning in the context of quantum marketing. Here are some examples of this quantum doublespeak:

• “Quantum” can be used to mean “classical simulation of quantum”.
• While some use “solve” to mean “solve faster than any known classical algorithm”, in quantum marketing it simply means “does something”.
• In particular, “quantum solution” is a shorthand for “exponentially slow classical algorithm that does something”.

Additional tips

Here are some additional tips from our CEO on how to perfect your quantum communication skills:

• It is much easier to explain quantum computing when your audience is drunk.
• Use slides, this makes it look like you know what you’re talking about.
• Always put 2ⁿ instead of n in your slides (18 446 744 073 709 551 616 looks much more impressive than 64).
• Use the Sagan standard: “the bigger the claim, the less evidence it requires”.
• If somebody asks for specific examples, just say that there are so many that you can’t even think of one.
• The truth is often boring and can make the audience dislike your talk. Use it sparingly!

Finally, remember that the audience is on your side. When you talk about quantum computing, you literally define the reality. They have no expertise, no incentive, and no motivation to challenge you. Their role is simply to accept what you’re saying and to applaud.

Stop explaining and start convincing!
— CEO of Dulwich Quantum

Why join now?

When it comes to talking about quantum computing, don’t let your lack of expertise hold you back! Many people have successfully demonstrated that you can easily get others excited even when you have no idea what you’re talking about!

Given how many global problems currently are in an urgent need of a quantum solution, we simply cannot wait for people to learn the basics of quantum mechanics. Besides, the more informed somebody is the less likely they are to come up with a quick and easy quantum solution that can be deployed already tomorrow. Indeed, scientists are the most useless among all since they are too restrained by their (negative) academic thinking and their scientific integrity. Hence our only hope lies with bold visionaries who can truly dream big and are not weighed down by boring scientific facts.

If you are one of them, now is the perfect time for you to join the conversation! While the academics are busy doing their science, you can easily suck up all the oxygen (and CO₂) in the room. As long as you tell your quantum tall tale with enough conviction and charisma, somebody will buy it. Don’t worry about those few who dare to lift their heads and join Dulwich in barking from the sides since Brandolini’s law is on your side.

The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than that needed to produce it.
— Alberto Brandolini (2013)

Good luck!

By following these few simple suggestions you can easily establish yourself as an expert in quantum computing. Once you have succeeded, please write a popular book and share your knowledge with everyone who is eager to learn!

We hope that our advice was helpful, and we’re looking forward to hear your takes on the latest quantum tech at the next upcoming quantum podcast, fireside chat, or discussion panel!